It caught me by surprise. I wasn’t looking for it. It kind of just snuck up on me. As the saying goes: true love comes when you least expect it. In the summer of 1994, I embarked upon one of the greatest love affairs of my life. It struck like a lightning bolt in the form of a girl as I waited for the bus home after a fruitful day of record rummaging and op shopping in the city centre.

I sat on a bench listening to my walkman starring at my feet to pass time. Over the buzz of crunchy, distorted guitars and inaudible vocals, I could hear the sound of wheels on the pavement coming my way. As force of habit, whenever I hear the sound I can’t help but stop what I’m doing and look in its direction. I grew up surround by skateboard culture—my family has owned skate shops since the ‘80s—and have always been fascinated by skateboarders. In my eyes they were the coolest of the cool: they can fly (pulling off amazing gravity defying feats), they make movement an art form, do what they want, don’t care what you think about them and listen to punk rock. I looked up from my Doc Marten boots and saw a lady rolling towards me. I’d met her through mutual friends that frequented indie rock shows. I was—and often still am—in awe of her. Whatever was ‘happening’ she always seemed to be at the centre of it. I knew her by the name ‘Maggie’. Enter the lightning…

I waved; she saw me, smiled and sat down beside me to chat. I can’t quite remember what it was we spoke about but I do remember the moment she pulled out a little crumpled photocopied booklet kind of thing from her backpack and handed it to me—it hit me… KAPOW! She told me it was her ‘zine’ Mz. Obscure. At this time I had no idea what a zine really was. I flicked through its pages filled with her words, drawings, photography and articles on local bands. It was one of the coolest things I had ever seen! Sensing my cluelessness M enlightened me about the world of zines. Just as I was getting swept up in it all—to me it all seemed so magical—my bus pulled up. M and I hugged, said our goodbyes and I spent the next forty minute bus ride home pouring over each and every page. By the time I’d reached my suburban bedroom I’d decided that whatever this awesomeness was in my hand I wanted in.

The concept of making my own publication blew my mind! I’d grown up with a definite magazine addiction—I loved everything about them right down to the new magazine smell. I’ve always been obsessed with magazines and I love writing, and sharing my thoughts and observations with others. I had it figured out that when I finished school and started working I wanted to work at one. Having discovered that you could make your own [maga]zine open up a whole new word of possibilities for me.

Over the next few weeks I made it my mission to find out as much as I could about zines. I wanted to know everything! I started frequenting Rocking Horse Records and Skinnys Records snapping up any zine I could find and reading it from cover to cover. During this time I found Maximum Rock N Roll and Punk Planet. These two publications opened up a direct life line to the worldwide punk community for me. Punk Planet (as well as Slug & Lettuce) in particular brought the world to my doorstep with its take on progressive issues such as politics and feminism; Maximum Rock N Roll quenched my thirst for new music—all three provided me with a path to more zines which I ordered through the mail. Along with the music I was listening to (mostly punk and hip hop), zines helped educate me about the world and turned me on to new ideas and ways of thinking.

My best friend around this period was a girl called Ms. Lizard. I’d met her at an all ages punk show at the Crash n Burn (a legendary live music venue among Brisbane locals). We’d go to every show we possibly could—punk, hardcore, ska, rockabilly, rock—it didn’t matter to us what label, to us it was all equally exciting and allowed us a chance to get out of the house and fend off boredom. Lizard and I grew together and did most things together. We were pretty inseparable so when I fell down the hole to zine land Mz. Lizard came too.

One afternoon sitting on my bedroom floor listening to Green Day, we started putting together our very first zine. We named it Social Stupidity. The name came from a drunken discussion I had one night with an older punk dude from the scene named Ben about the ‘evils’ of our society and how most people just go along with what they’re told to and do what is meant to be done. Both of these things never appealed to me so the name seemed fitting. It makes me cringe to think of it now, but at the time I also liked the name simply ‘cause it seemed pretty punk rock—against society and all that.

Before the issue was even a quarter done, Ms. Lizard bailed on me to go do her own things and I decided to continue onwards solo—by now I was hooked on cutting, pasting, writing, venting my thoughts and reorganising other print media to make my own. The first issue was a mere 16 pages long (which I thought was a grand achievement!) and featured three of my favourite Australian bands Blister, Gilgamesh & Godnose, two (really bad) live reviews of local shows and some demo reviews of cassettes a couple of local bands had given me. I charged $2 for it.

I remember being out one night (and sneaking into) the old Treasury bar in Brisbane (that Blowhard seemed to have a residency at forever!) with my friend James. We ran into Mike Palm from Agent Orange! His band was in town playing Crash n Burn and he decided to seek out some locals before the show for hangs. I’ll never forget showing him my zine and him buying a copy. I tried to give it to him but he was like, ‘It’s important that you support people that put in effort and that are trying to do positive stuff.’ He did add that for $2 I may want to add a few more pages next time… ha! It was nice that he was kind enough to buy it though, and that he was honest enough to call me on the lean content and that he offered me advice in a constructive way—I’ve definitely had more than my far share of haters over the years; people offering their opinions and thoughts in a not-so-nice way about my work (I’ve been threatened with violence on more than one occasion and I’ve even had someone say they wanted to kill me if they ever saw me in the street). Meeting Mike will always stick in my mind and be a fond memory.

Today his advice is as right on as ever—support those that are out there doing something positive and make sure you give folks quality (and value).

Zines;I was totally and utterly in love.

to be continued…

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr Seuss

Having courage is choosing between fear and action. It’s an every single day choice, not just a single act of heroism. In whatever you do, you should never be afraid of making a mistake or of feeling embarrassed about what you’re doing or bad about what you’re doing (that’s of course if what you’re doing has good intentions behind it—if you’re doing unkind, cruel things you deserve to feel bad and a whole lot more). If you never try anything, you won’t know if you like it or not and you will (without a doubt) not get any better at it.

It’s best to rise to the occasion and accept the challenge than run away and hide or worse yet, to not even try. It’s important to be passionate about what you’re doing too. Having passion for what you do will enable you to persevere despite what is thrown your way—and like I’ve said before, the Universe only throws stuff at you that it knows you can handle. See the Universe believes in you! Time to get your thinking in line with the Universal program ha… ha!

Doubting if you have skills or thinking that you haven’t prepared properly for the task at hand is consciously choosing to fail. You’ve lost before you even give yourself a chance. One of my hip hop buds once gave me a great piece of advice: Be prepared Bianca, otherwise you’ll miss opportunities. I’ve seen him go on capitalise on many opportunities in his career because he choose to be brave, and choose to be prepared! He choose to be courageous and it has well and truly paid off!

In order to be prepared myself, I’ve had to be brave and take the necessary steps to get things rolling. I’ve definitely had to overcome things that, at the time, my first instinct was ‘I can’t’. I cried, I got mad, I cried again and then I put my brave hat on and pinned my courage button on and moved forward.

A story…

I once dated this guy that wanted me to pretty much give up my work (my writing) and settle down, get a full-time job and buy a house. I thought I really loved this person—I now know that someone that loves you wants you to be you not what they want you to become, and they also certainly don’t try to tell you what’s best for you!—so I thought about it…seriously! I stopped writing and become soul crushingly depressed. I started looking for a full-time job to replace my two jobs I already had! My partner was happy but I was dying. I was a walking zombie. Don’t get me wrong, I do want the house one day and I’d love kids but I have always believed that one day I could obtain that through doing what I love for a living (and if for some reason I don’t at least I’ll have had a remarkable, full, adventure-filled life).

One day in the deepest depths of my gloom I went to visit my friend D and we had a chat that really put things into perspective. He explained to me that I’m doing a great disservice to myself and the Universe if I didn’t keep following my passion and living my dream. He was like ‘you can’t go on living like this, each day you’re losing a little of your Miss B sparkle and it’s killing me to watch it happen.’ He said it was time to suck it all up and move on. It was time to be courageous! Thanks for the advice D, love you! Obviously the fact that you’re reading this, suggests how things turned out… for the best!

Have there been times when you’ve been brave?

I’ll let you all in on a little secret… something that scares me a lot (even at times I’d use the word terrifies me) is performing live. I’ve watched all my friends do it for so long now; I’ve stood front of house, side of stage, on stage to help soundcheck, been a guest for songs in friends’ sets but… have never gotten up the guts to perform live myself. I’ve had bands that have rehearsed for a million hours and recorded; I’ve been working on my own stuff and collabs with wonderful hip hop and punk friends but never have I set foot on stage with my own art. I am working towards changing that this year though. I’m going to get my courage on and make the dream I’ve had since I was a kid come true!

Is there anything that you’re terrified to do that you’re working on overcoming?

It’s time to commit to what you’re doing and what you want to do. Maybe together we can summon the courage to make things happen! I’ve found though, even when I haven’t had my cheer squad on hand to support me if I believe in myself I can do great things. Sometimes that lack of attention from others can make for a greater self-awareness.

Being fearful can be the Universe’s way of saying ‘how bad do you want it? If you want it bad enough you can push through your fear…

“It’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won’t be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.”~Bette Midler

What makes a king out of a slave? Courage!
What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage!
What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage!
What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage!
What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage!
What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot? What have they got that I ain’t got? Courage!
~Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz
(one of my all-time favourite films & stories)

Time to get those courage caps on and those courage buttons pinned. Ask yourself ‘how bad do I want it?’

See ya in the pit (at one of my shows hopefully ;))!
(I heart Rancid)

PS- 30-days of blogging! I made it! This calls for a celebration! If you’re in my ‘hood tonight come party with the One Man Party Steve from Soulwax!

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