Photo by Jaja
“Health is a holistic effect. It’s not just a matter of cutting calories or working out or meditating, but a whole range of factors that contribute to physical, mental and spiritual well-being. I teach my clients to listen to their body, thoughts, and emotions as indicators of overall health and refer them to a specialist if necessary.” ~Dan Jones (book extract)
We all feel sad from time to time, it’s a natural part of life however sometimes we feel a whole lot sadder than others and it’s in those times we need to stop and have a look at our way of life, our habits, our thought patterns. In these times it’s also good to share how you’re feeling with a close friend. Problems shared are problems halved after all :)
Depression is a very complicated and personal thing, depending on a myriad of factors including genes, environment, lifestyle, brain chemicals, psychology and personality it affects everyone differently. What may seem like a walk in the park for you could be a serious challenge for someone else. Please don’t discount others challenges as silly, trivial or childish. I know you’re only trying to help when you say ‘Don’t be silly, it’s not that hard!’ but seriously, you’re not helping.
Throughout my life I have suffered numerous strains and bouts of depression (and a little craziness… ha, ha) and one of the things that would make me mad is people telling me, ‘Get over it!’ Seriously, I wish it was as easy as that! One of my family’s doctors even went as far as to say that ‘Depression doesn’t exist, it’s just laziness’. I could have punched them when they said that (and I’m not even a violent lady!)
Also, something else that I’ve found that can happen when you’re in the depths of despair is that it can temporarily blind you to everything and start to numb you. When you’re majorly depressed sometimes it can feel that the only pain that exists is your own. You start to not care about anything or anyone; you push it all away and isolate yourself. Please promise me lovelies if you feel this way you’ll pick up the phone and call a friend (and no texting or emailing does not count… you need the human touch in these times… although if it’s all you have text and email is better than nothing). The simple act of talking to someone (you trust) can make you feel instantly better and their insight could give you a fresh perspective.
In the (US) summer of 2006, in transit to join the Resin Dogs’ Euro tour, I had breakfast in San Francisco with a good friend. We got talking about depression over pancakes and eggs. The topic came up because I noticed a gnarly scar on his forearm and asked, ‘What happened?’ (typical Bianca style to just blurt out a ‘why? what? How?’ question). He told me that when he was younger he became so numb from being depressed that he cut himself because he just wanted to feel something, anything! He shared with me intimate stories of his battles with depression—when his band called it a day, feeling trapped in a relationship with the love of his life, his daily self-loathing and frustrations with celebrity.
A thing that’s always stuck with me from that conversation is, here is this great, great man that has achieved so many things with his work, is a hero (to a lot) and brought so much joy to people’s lives yet in his own, he struggles with his happiness too. Depression doesn’t discriminate; it doesn’t care if you’re black, white, brown, male, female, whatever. You can (to others) seemingly have it together and have it all on the surface when in fact your business is as messy as everyone else’s.
If you’re been feeling blue or know someone else that’s been down let me share with you some helpful things that helped get me on track. None of the below is ‘rocket science’ and I’m sure it’s all been said before by someone somewhere but it’s nice to be reminded. My greatest wish is that you (or your pal) will get something from this and get back on track and reach the Possibility City limits.
Photo by Allison Fahmie (my homegirl from the Jersey Shore)
Get Moving! Notice I didn’t use the dreaded ‘e’ word ‘exercise!’ ha, ha… throughout my life my attitudes to working out have ebbed and flowed, changed and evolved. I usually get super into something for a while and then find myself getting bored and my enthusiasm dwindles. I was the kid at school with the note for every physical education/gym class reading ‘Please excuse Bianca from class today, she’s unwell’. My teacher would make me observe the classes and write a report on what they were doing (which I actually won school awards for! ha, ha).
So why is daily movement helpful? It is essential to keeping everything in working order; it helps relieve stress, helps your organs to function properly, and boosts your energy levels and your mood! Physical activity alters brain chemistry, the serotonin levels, which can lead to feelings of wellbeing. My disco biscuit eating buds know all about serotonin (lol!)—it contributes to a range of functions like appetite, libido, sleep & wake cycles and mood.
When choosing physical activity to engage in the best advice I can give you is: Choose something fun! If it’s fun it won’t feel like exercise. I adore walking, swimming, yoga, hula hooping (my friend Jow makes awesome hoops for her company Circle of Light), skateboarding, riding bikes, surfing, dancing and making sweet, sweet love! ;) If you’re in the New York, Chicago, Miami areas, David Barton Gyms are totally insane. The decor makes them look like art installations!
Laugh! It’s free! Free! Free! And it’s the ultimate mood lifter. I’ve often heard it called ‘the elixir of life’. I am so thankful for all of the hilarious people I have in my life. More often than not you can find me grinning like a Cheshire Cat because I’m so amused by the antics and quotes from my pals.
As a sidenote, I thought I might mention that being amusing and funny does not involve making fun of or putting down other people that just = lame and boring and says more about you than the person in your firing line. Thankfully I have no people in my life like that anymore! Anyways, laughing is a great tonic for the sads ‘cause when you’re laughing you can’t exactly be crying, or at least if you are crying they’re happy tears. Join a laughing club, rent a comedy, engage in laughter yoga (watch the vid below), watch Bill Hicks, Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job (I love Spaghett!) or Sealab 2020.
UK funny man John Cleese talks to the Laughter Yoga founder:
Tommy De Vito (in Goodfellas): Let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little f*cked up maybe, but I’m funny how? I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh; I’m here to f*ckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? …Like funny ha,ha funny?
Smile! Lily Allen sings about it and it’s a well known fact it takes more effort to frown then it does smile. For all the sceptics out there even science says it’s good for you. When I don’t feel like smiling I still try to smile anyway. I’ve found that if I start smiling the floodgates can crack open. A friend, Aflah from Ghana does this little ritual most mornings where he looks at himself in the bathroom mirror, makes funny faces, smiles and laughs at himself. Having the courage to laugh at yourself makes you not take everything so seriously, it can help to put everything into perspective. It can be the first step towards becoming your own best friend.
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh, at yourself.” ~Ethel Barrymore
Get your creative on! Everyone is creative; despite the common societal view of creativity being an art thing. I’ve learnt being creative isn’t necessarily all about music, art, film, writing and the like. I’ve seen my pal CJ work creatively with numbers. I’ve seen my buds Zsolt and Andrew work creatively in their business dealings. When you engage in ‘creative’ tasks I find your mind has no time to be sad because you’re having such a good time. Being creative can make you feel awake and ready for new possibilities.
Photo by Woodley Wonder Works
Other notable mentions: Music! I’ve talked a bunch about the benefits of it here and here. Using essential oils. I’m a huge advocate of aromatherapy. After trying it for myself and reaping the benefits I wholeheartedly recommend you give it a try (don’t worry I won’t tell all your punk, hardcore & hip hop friends you’re a secret hippie!) I think that the effect smell has on your mood is super underrated. Green tea, jasmine, rose, ylang-ylang, citrus and chamomile are known for their mood lifting properties. Positive affirmations can be helpful as can stroking your puppy or kitty friend can be. Spending time with your animals friends can help calm you and can promote happiness. Organisation! When you’re organised you feel in control, when you feel in control the world doesn’t feel as daunting and overwhelming. And last but certainly not least practice gratitude! Fight depression with gratitude, there’s no room for sadness when you’re thankful.
Much gratitude goes to the following bright lights in my world that have helped me when I’ve been down and out, feed me when I’ve had no money, housed me when I’ve had no place to go, listened to me when I talk in circles, encouraged me to keep going, to keep bettering myself, to believe in me and ultimately, to live again (man I’m crying as I type this, talk about emo! Ha!): Ant, Jhonny & Andy, Grover, Dannii, Sophia, Civi, Kieran, Prue, Miss Amy, Franklin, Z, James Thomas, Brian & Lisa I love you all beyond words. Your love, kindness, compassion and guidance mean the world to me. From my whole heart, I thank you.
*A big part of what compelled me to write this piece is the fact that I know a lot of people that suffer from depression at one point or another and it’s often a subject that people in general don’t want to talk about, discuss in the open or confront. For some, it’s apparently not cool to talk about the rough times; you just deal with it and get on with things.
Sometimes it’s simply not that easy. When I suffered my last serious bout of depression I had people tell me that they didn’t want me around because I was ‘bringing down their good time’. Those comments really hurt. It’s funny because when I’m ruling it and working on exciting projects those people are the first to brag to their pals that we’re such good friends, yet in my greatest hour of need they didn’t want anything to do with me. Please friends, be there for your friends in the tough times as well as the good times. Anyone can be there for party time! It takes real love to be there when there’s intermission.
Fight the good fight & derail the Desperation Train I’m waiting for you here in Possibility City!
